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Description
And now, for the punctuality-challenged figure that Alice followed down in Wonderland in the first place...
“And the White Rabbit, what of him? Was he framed on the `Alice' lines, or meant as a contrast? As a contrast, distinctly. For her `youth', `audacity', `vigour', and `swift directness of purpose', read `elderly', `timid', `feeble', and `nervously shilly-shallying', and you will get something of what I meant him to be. I think the White Rabbit should wear spectacles. I am sure his voice should quaver, and his knees quiver, and his whole air suggest a total inability to say `Bo' to a goose!”
...Really what can I add to that? Pretty bloody accurate description, I’d say.
So...nope, I’ve got nothing more to put in here. That was easy. Start the list.
12. Peter White, from Alice in the Country of Hearts
WARNING. THIS IS A LONG ONE, AND VERY "RAMBLE-Y." YOU MAY WANT TO SKIP IT, UNLESS YOU’RE REEEAAALLY INTERESTED. Okay, I should address this now: this franchise, developed by the Japanese company QuinRose as their “flagship” universe, actually started out as a series of what I can only describe as “dating games” for teenaged girls. (pauses) Now, you’re probably scratching your head asking, “then why do YOU like them?” First of all, why do Bronies like My Little Pony? Why was Twilight ever a thing? I don’t bloody know. Second of all, and sort of connected to that, I DIDN’T KNOW THIS. I have never, and WILL never, play the games; I was introduced via the manga series that spawned off them. (There’s an anime movie, too...don’t watch it, it’s horrendible.) Now, with THAT uncomfortable subject out of the way, I like the manga not for its “chick flick-ish-ness,” as some might say, but because of the way Wonderland itself, and its characters, are portrayed. Surprisingly for a story like this, they’re ALL bloody mad as they should be, to a violent and downright horrifying extent in many cases. But there’s also some genuinely funny humor thrown in, to keep it “Carrollian.” Wonderland itself is weird and crazy, like it should be, and while the design work is very obviously targeted to young women (c’mon, look at the image I picked and tell me the word “bishi” doesn’t come to mind...and if you don’t know what the word bishi means, look at the image), this doesn’t detract from some genuinely complex situations and characters. Case in point: Peter White. This guy...is a [censored for the good of the public]. He stalks Alice, drags her down the rabbit hole by force, force-feeds her a potion that makes sure she can’t go back home, and then has the GALL to tell her all this is because he loves her. What a complete moron, to say the least. While I don’t find him to be a sympathetic character...at all...I do find him to be interesting, since in all of Wonderland, he cares for only two people: Alice, and the Queen. And despite how much of an immense idiot he is, he DOES seem to genuinely care for Alice. Once she’s down in Wonderland, he never “moves in” on her again (though, to be fair, that might be only because she punched him halfway across the bloody world when he did), nor does he stalk her. He’s also one of the coldest people in Wonderland: fiercely loyal to the Queen of Hearts, with absolutely no mercy or remorse, and, fittingly enough, obsessed with punctuality, having everything run like clockwork. He only “lightens up” when around Alice, at which point he becomes the frantic “little bunny” we all know...and it’s hard to tell whether that side of him is a facade or not. He can’t stand the thought of Alice caring - even remotely - for anyone else, saying things like “Alice doesn’t need anyone but me!” So, yeah, he’s...well...you can come up with your own set of expletives. So, why do I like him? While he’s not a sympathetic character in my opinion (even Alice constantly, and appropriately, claims to despise him), I find him fascinating; to see how psychotically he changes in his moods, to see how obsessed he truly is, to see how much of world seems to revolve around this one young lady. It’s...pathetic. I usually DESPISE characters like Peter White, but, for some reason (perhaps it’s my bias to the source material), I can’t bring myself to hate him no matter how truly awful a person he is. I can’t explain it, I don’t want to explain, I’m feeling really uncomfortable now trying to, let’s just move on before I embarrass myself any further.
11. Bibwit Harte, from The Looking-Glass Wars
And now, on to the exact OPPOSITE of Peter White and his disturbing psychosis. Don’t let his Gandalf-ish appearance fool you; the diminuitive Bibwit Harte is probably the single funniest character in The Looking-Glass Wars series. While he isn’t as time-obsessed as the classic White Rabbit (his name, by the way, is an anagram of those two words, but you all probably figured that out already), he’s still very much a “rabbit” at heart; he’s a nervous-type, a bit vain, perhaps too smart for his own good, and, despite his age, there’s an almost childlike curiosity and eccentricity to him. However, in keeping with this series, he isn’t all that meets the eye. He has a tendency to to ramble, but he can also say things that are genuinely wise and meaningful; he can be an advisor and a good “support” when he’s needed. Plus, even though he’s panicky, he isn’t a “coward;” heck, through most of the series, he’s doing some of the bloody bravest things in the entire cast! He’s spying on the enemy, getting supplies, helping to plan strategies...the tutor’s a bloody Tudor! (No, I don’t care if absolutely nobody gets that bloody joke.)
10. Patrick Richwood, from Adventures from Wonderland
It was hard to choose between this Rabbit and Bibwit Harte. I find them both to be rather similar, in some ways; however, Richwood, I think, and for obvious reasons, strays closer to the typical White Rabbit image, so to speak, so that probably helps a bit. This Rabbit was the Queen of Hearts’ one and only servant; a butler-like figure who wears roller skates to get around Wonderland faster and prevent tardiness...interesting method, considering he’s also a complete klutz. (Fun fact: apparently, Richwood himself was hardly a trained roller skater, so some of the foul-ups and slapstick pratfalls were unintentional, and were kept in the shots because, frankly, they made it all funnier...others were cut out, for one reason or another, naturally.) While he was put-upon and constantly frantic in his endeavors to please Her Majesty, he was also the Queen’s closest friend, fiercely loyal to her and a stickler for rules, and always going out of his way to make her happy, even if the odds were stacked against him. Maybe I was reading too deep into it, but since the Rabbit often came across as older than the Queen, though not necessarily more mature (a fact Richwood himself confirmed in a fan interview), I always got the feeling he might have been her caretaker when she was a little girl, and may have seen her like a daughter or granddaughter, or something similar. But, even with this aside, he was tons of fun to watch, and I absolutely love him.
9. Edward Watson, from the Royal Ballet production (2011)
On the subject of father and friend figures in certain white bunnies, Watson high-kicking, often-twirling character is a good example. This incarnation of the character, though based more closely on the book in comparison to those below him, is also significantly “nicer” than the one in the story. He’s still as frantic and frustrated as ever, but the scene where he orders Alice about to get his gloves, causing her to get trapped in his house, and then proceeds to have his neighbors and servants help him in forcibly removing her is removed entirely, and replaced with a scene where he takes her on a merry little boat ride to the Duchess’ house. Also, while he does constantly seem to be scolding and nitpicking of her, often it seems to be because he’s trying to protect her, perhaps specifically from the wrath of the Queen. This “friendliness” isn’t really surprising, given that Watson also plays Lewis Carroll himself in this production, whom the Rabbit seems to parallel.
8. Camilla Power (English Dub), from Neco z Alenky
And what does “Neco z Alenky” stand for? Well, LITERALLY translated it means “Something Like Alice,” or “Something From Alice.” However, the English dubbed release of the film - in which Power voices ALL the characters - simply bills it as “Alice.” This surreal and rather disturbing picture was the brainchild and masterpiece of Czech animator and filmmaker Jan Svankmajer (good luck pronouncing his name; I can’t), and amongst MOST Carrollians, as we Wonderland fanboys and girls pretentiously call ourselves, it is widely regarded as one of the best adaptations/reimaginings of the “Alice” stories. (pauses) I am not “most Carrollians.” While the film’s disturbing imagery, incredible ingenuity and style of animation, and overall surreal feel, obviously, all do work to its advantage, at times I think it goes TOO far, believe it or not, at least for my tastes...there is also a complete lack of music throughout the picture, which is both its single greatest strength and its greatest weakness. It makes the film more disturbing and suspenseful, true, but at times it actually lessens the mood, turning the whole bloody debacle into a tragic snooze-fest. This version of the Rabbit is absolutely horrifying, on so many levels. He’s the Queen’s EXECUTIONER, snapping off heads with a pair of giant, rusty scissors...in fact, toward the end of the film, at the end of the trial sequence, as the jurors and the Royal Cards scream and bellow and make noise, and Alice frantically shakes her head, he approaches the girl with those scissors, snipping them menacingly...there’s an image for your nightmares. And, to tie to it, the “doll” used here...isn’t a doll at all. It’s a stuffed rabbit. As in, they took a stuffed rabbit’s CORPSE, put googly-eyes on it, dressed it up, AND ANIMATED IT. (pauses) This movie is SICK.
7. Bill Thompson, from the 1951 Disney film
Phew...moving on from the demented world of Svankmajer, we turn to our old friends at Disney to lighten the mood. And, again, thanks to iconography over everything else, there isn’t much to say here. Out of all the time-obsessed lapins on this list, this one is probably the most energized and...well...obsessed of the batch. The Rabbit’s entire world centers on getting out of trouble, and, thus, being on time. He can’t focus on too much at once, he’s constantly stuttering and twitching as he races about Wonderland, unable to think of much of anything beyond “I’m late, I’m late!” On the other hand, when his focus DOES shift, it shifts almost completely, as if the poor little bunny has ADHD, or some sort of bipolar disorder. Even we, in the audience, sometimes have a hard time keeping up with him!
6. Red Buttons, from the 1985 miniseries
“But how can you put this guy in an obvious costume over Disney?!” I hear you all cry? Answer: easily. Satisfied? No? Too bad. Ahem...Buttons’ portrayal isn’t too different from Thompson’s. Flustered, with a fairly one-track mind, his portrayal is a nice “neutral ground.” He’s neither a friend to Alice, nor is he entirely antagonistic. This rabbit’s perpetual stutter and frightened whispers and gasps in particular really create the sense that he is absolutely exhausted. (Buttons’ own weariness, or the fact the poor bunny’s been running about so long? You be the judge.) He isn’t as “energized” as Thompson’s, but, then again, that was an animated film, and this is live-action; there is a certain limitation. And, for some reason I can’t explain, it’s that limitation that makes me care more; the original was so fast and so furious, I honestly wondered WHY he was always late. I never really think about that with this version.
5. John Lithgow, from Once Upon a Time in Wonderland
Real name, Percy. (Yet he isn’t a green steam engine, for some reason...bravo to those who got that reference.) Yeah, the CGI makes him look like he’s mostly made of plastic. I don’t care. I must admit, I was a little worried when I heard that Paul Reubens would voice the Rabbit for the show...and only slightly less worried when it was changed to Lithgow. Don’t get me wrong, John Lithgow is a fantastic actor, and after “Shrek,” I had no doubts about his voice acting abilities in particular. But, for some odd reason, I just couldn’t see Lithgow in this role. I’m not sure why...I guess the best way to describe it is that his voice is so “strong,” that with a character as fidgety as the Rabbit, I couldn’t quite tell how they’d be able to pull it off. Well, thank God, I was 100% wrong; though he only appeared in roughly half the episodes of this short-lived show, he was one of the major highlights of the series, and though the CGI wasn’t too great, I could plough through it (watching Dr. Who helps, methinks), and the design, though simple, was just...perfect. Lithgow’s Rabbit was everything you’d want; he can be stuck-up and rude at times, and he’s often quite a coward, but his heart is in the right place and he has generally good intentions. You really feel sorry for poor little Percy when bad things happen to him, and you feel twice as happy when good things reward him. In my opinion, it was a stellar piece of work, and I deeply hope this little lapin makes a comeback in the still-running parent series sometime soon.
4. Michael Sheen, from the Tim Burton films.
And, as usual with one such as I, I’m referring more to the game than the movies...but, then again, Sheen does all right in the film, too, so I’ll count both. (And, yes, it is Sheen himself in both; as I said in an earlier list, several actors from the film did do the game...and very well, too.) Sheen didn’t want to “break the mold” much, feeling the character was very iconic, and that the writing didn’t allow for too much “mold breaking” to begin with. Whereas this easily could have made for a rather dull and done version of the character, to be blunt, he WAS right, and Sheen does add a strong dose of personality to the part. Nivens McTwisp, as his full name is given, is much like Bibwit Harte: an educated and wealthy character who’s been thrust into the heart of war; he’s not much of a fighter - even in the game, his stats aren’t too powerful in the combat department - but he has an intelligent brain and a strong sense of honor and duty. And, much like Bibwit, he’s very adept at avoiding conflict or detection, making him an excellent double-agent. (In the first film, at least...in the game, he’s more of a guide, and in the sequel he's really just comic relief...which is still very good, in both cases.) Also, in the game, he has a watch that can control time. That is awesome. And, to top it off...blue suits him. It just does. (shrugs) I’ve nothing more to say.
3. Richard Coombs (voice) & Kiran Shah (puppeteer), from the 1999 Hallmark film
The only thing keeping this version out of the top two is the Trial Scene in this film; I think the filmmakers gave up, or something, because, for some reason, during that scene, the Rabbit goes absolutely spastic, twitching and moving around in seemingly random ways for completely unknown purposes, like a broken, remote-controlled Rock-’em-Sock-’em Robot. You can practically hear the clattering of the animatronic parts underneath. Still, for the rest of the film, the puppetwork is absolutely brilliant, and the Rabbit is very...twitchy throughout the movie, almost eerily so at points. Coombs adds a good deal of wit and an almost grandfatherly gentility to the part, as well, under the usual and obvious frantic nature of the character, which helps a lot, and I swear that his voice is PERFECT in its tonality and resonance; he sounds closer than even the top two in my head like the White Rabbit from the books, as I, personally, imagined him. But, the Trial Scene cannot be forgiven, and his running looks...silly, so… (shrugs)
2. Michael Crawford, from the 1972 film
Yep. Before he was The Phantom of the Opera, Crawford was Wonderland’s resident time-obsessed lapin of yore. While Coombs’ voice matches the voice in my head, so to speak, Crawford’s overall portrayal, in my opinion, is the absolute closest to the original books. His Rabbit can be nice at times, even playful, but, for the most part, this is one of the...crabbier versions of the character. He’s completely consumed in his schedule, as well as, pretty much, himself. He bows to the Queen and King, following their every whim rather loyally, but he will take absolutely no guff from his own inferiors, and holds no patience for anyone or anything. Yet, despite being an arrogant little sod, you spend a surprising amount of time with this guy, and...I can’t help but love him. I’m not going to lie, it’s actually pretty funny, even sort of adorable, in a way, how utterly grouchy and pompous he is; it makes it all the more fun when things like getting knocked into a cucumber frame or having to help serve at the croquet game as a hoop happen to him, because...well...he sort of deserves what’s coming to him.
1. Ed Staudenmayer, from Wonderland
I’m going to be honest, since I heard the cast recording (which is about as trustworthy in understanding this musical as taking pet care advice from Cruella De Vil) before I saw the show in any sort of way, I was...hesitant about Staudenmayer. As you may be able to tell from the image used, he is significantly...bigger than most portrayals of the White Rabbit; not only is he built like a bloody boxer, but his voice matches: a deep, colorful baritone. And for a character as “meek” as the White Rabbit, I wasn’t sure it would work, or if they would overuse his size and voice as some sort of gag...but, much to my delight, he surpassed my expectations. While Staudenmayer’s size and the bellow of his voice DO make for a unique contrast, which the audience instantly catches on to, the script doesn’t actually make this his one and only gimmick; he basically becomes the Cowardly Lion of the show - a timid, frustrated, somewhat childish goofball terrified by his own shadow. However, he does have some spots of genuine boldness...and not just “for show” boldness like the lion; this Rabbit is one sarcastic little bunny, and easily the funniest character in the whole show. The costume design also helps, much better than I expected it to; despite his unconventional appearance, the look of the character, the writing he gets, and the simple fact of how utterly engrossed Staudenmayer gets into the role all work to surprise me and put him in the top spot. The man’s just having so much fun with the role! And for taking me along the ride with him, I award him the meaningless merit of my favorite White Rabbit!
Honorable Mentions Go To…
Alan Gray, from “alice”
A.k.a., Agent White. The Rabbit is actually made a reference to multiple times throughout this series - the term “White Rabbit” is the name of the Queen’s organization of EEEEEVIL scientists, for example - but for the actual character, we got this portrayal. Gray has very, very little screentime, as he is executed by the Queen fairly early in the proceedings, but his mark was made well before that point. Agent White is essentially the “mascot” for said organization, and Gray plays the character as an out-of-time-and-place Victorian Gentleman, who keeps a straight face and a cool demeanor about everything, a stark contrast to the classic character...until you make him mad, at which point, he positively LOSES HIS MIND, HAHAHAHAHA! He attacks Alice, snatches away her wedding ring, and leads her on a merry chase through the slums of the city before accidentally dragging her through the Looking-Glass and into Wonderland. He tries to send her off to be experimented on, but she escapes, and when her escape and the failure of his mission (Alice’s ring has a big secret, without giving too much away), he is dragged whimpering and pleading from the Queen’s court room, never to be seen again...shame, that.
Andrew Chaikin & Roger L. Jackson, from the American McGee games
Though he only has a few small cameos in the second game, and is killed off at the end of the “first act” of the first game, this incarnation of the Rabbit still managed to make a mark, not unlike Alan Gray. Possibly a manifestation of Alice’s childhood rabbit doll, even in death, he manages to help Alice out - the Deadtime Watch, a weapon you receive in the first game after defeating the Mad Hatter, who is responsible for brutally murdering the little bunny via scene-Doctor-Facilier-would-later-rip-off, is actually the Rabbits own watch, though whether it’s time-altering abilities were there to begin with or the cause of the Hatter’s weaponizing is left ambiguous. In the second game, his umbrella is also able to be used as a defensive tool, like a shield (he must have got it on loan from the Penguin…), and the Clockwork Bombs, another weapon in the second game, are made to look like him.
OTHER Honorable Mentions Include…
Jonathan Cecil from the 1986 BBC miniseries
Wilfrid Brambell from the 1966 T.V. Play
Ayako Kawasumi, a.k.a. The Will of the Abyss, from Pandora Hearts
Amazing!